I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
