Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
