So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
