Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
