Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
