I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
