need another drink. this is the easiest way
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
