I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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