Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
