I didn't shave. On purpose
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
