Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
