You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
