I wannas sexs uuuuu
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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