it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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