i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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