Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
