he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
