dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
