I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your penis caused this!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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