I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
