about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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