Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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