WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
