I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
