I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
