Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
