so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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