Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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