Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
