Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
