it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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