if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
