actually, I'm a sock model
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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