my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The Olympian is in my bed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
