I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
