The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
