Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
