using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
