all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
