Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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