The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
