So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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