best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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