He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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