My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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