3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
