all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
