They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
