we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
