I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Success! We fucked roommates!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
