i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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