Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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