Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
