"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
