I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
